[Karlman]

Originally Posted by ChocolatTherapy

I just needed to get this off my chest..... (this might be a rather long rant.....)

A lot of people did asked me why did I disappeared back in 2015 in this forum. My usual answer was I found what I was looking for. The truth is that when I created this account, I was just been diagnosed with major depressive disorder on top of my pre-existing chronic depression, adjustment disorder and anxiety. I have been struggling with the last 3 for as long as I could remembered, but with the new diagnosis, I was so scared and afraid of everything. Sex was like an escape from the real world to me. It was like a replacement of reality to me. That was why I created my account. But honestly, sex isn't the best way to cope with mental illness, in fact it make it worse. I felt so empty every time after sex. My medication wasn't help me too. Majority of my medication at that time just lower my sex drive and made me not wanting sex at all. I was in a vicious cycle. Till I had a major relapse again in 2015. From then on, I became a time bomb. I kept getting relapse every few months, I kept going in and out of hospitals.... and in late 2016, after seeing the same team for a year, I had a new diagnosis.... I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It kinda sums up everything. I had all the symptoms but because of my pre-existing conditions, it requires the team to at least see me for a year in order to diagnose me with borderline personality disorder. So with the right diagnosis, it's easier for the team to find the right treatment for me.

But with 5 mental illness attached to me, this also spells a huge problem - maintaining my job. I was asked to leave by mid 2017. In a certain way, I was quite glad for it. I was under a lot of stress with my job and at times I just couldn't manage my stress and I started having panic attacks at work. Since mid 2017, I have been through interviews after interviews. But no company seems to want to hire me as I have to declare my conditions due to my weekly appointments for therapy and/or follow up. Good thing was that I found a part time job that I could work while at the same time looking to rebuild my career. But after more than a year.... rejections after rejections.... I felt so dishearten.... why no company is willing to give me a chance and sees me for who I really am and what I am capable of? I am just like any "normal" people. I am a highly functioning patient who could take care of herself and function as a human being. Why the discrimination then? It's really taking a toll on me.... my savings are drying up.... my current pay isn't enough to support myself and my 2 folks who are retired. And here I am, back in this forum, looking for the escape I so needed. The only difference this time is, I know I am in such a better place now compared to last year. My only issue is to really find a job that really doesn't discriminate against the mentally ill patients. It's really sad to know that with all the talks of not discriminating, but the ugly truth is that the stigma and discrimination is very real till now.

I really hope one day, this stigma and discrimination will end for good....

Bro if you need to talk to a professional. This is a toll-free helpline for mental issues
1800-283-7019
(singapore association for mental health)

You can also PM me. Actually I work in a training and placement centre for ppl with mental conditions. I know people. Let me know how I can help.