|
Help appreciated
Hello all, what i'm about to share is nothing to be proud of, and i would like to seek perspectives and advice from the community
Intro: 40s female, PR, married to SG guy with a P4 boy
History: known this guy when i was young. relationship was one big rollercoaster. before married, i actually ran away from this guy. however, being soft-hearted and thinking he would change after marriage, i proceeded to tie the knot. i realised it was a huge mistake after doing so. worse still, the son was an accident. after the son was born, it was basically me who singlehandedly raised him. my son sleeps with me every night. the spouse did nothing. some years back, my son even asked me: "why don't you divorce this man?" i'm not sure if he meant it or even remembers it today. whenever things happened eg. son is naughty in school, the spouse would only go: "your son this, your son that etc." called him out so many times for not performing his duties as a father, all i got in return was "i don't know what to do"
fast forward till recently (few months back). i met a single guy in my office and fell for him after getting to know him better. he is basically what i am looking for in a partner. unfortunately but not surprisingly, i was found out. the spouse even knows the topic of our communications (i suspect either my phone is bugged, or the spouse unlocked it while i'm not using. but this is another issue altogether). the spouse is now acting all goody-two-shoes with my parents, showing a side never seen before to them. to the point that my parents chide me for not treating him well. they tell me to bear with it, for the good of my son. whenever i discipline my son in front of my parents, the spouse will say things like "no you cannot be like this, have to talk gently to him etc." when back in the house, the usual nonsense comes out. everything i do, only will say "your boyfriend this, your boyfriend that etc." he has literally bought over my son with a game and my son has not been sleeping with me since. he has even said stuff to my son like "your mummy does not want you anymore, you must respect her choice etc". to me, this is utterly despicable. i have never said any such things to my son. is this considered weaponising the child? i would think so
currently, i am ignoring everything the spouse says as i see no point in communicating since everything i say or do will somehow be linked to the other party. every other day, the spouse keeps saying "you'd better make a choice. me or him." for the record, i have said countless times i totally regret going into this marriage and want a divorce, and i will choose neither guy. the spouse says this is bs and there is no such thing and now i am being blamed for dragging the situation. i am currently seeking counselling as my behaviour in the office is clearly affected. i am also no longer contacting the other party.
i am prepared to flip tables with my family if push comes to shove. they are aware of the spouse's character, but currently i am getting all blame due to the hypocrisy from the spouse. they have completely fallen for it. luckily, i still have a few close friends who are supportive. this spouse clearly is incapable of self-reflection and blames anything and everything else except himself. in this case, i am considering simply filing for divorce, but i am worried that the spouse will make trouble for the other party once the divorce papers arrive. i am at a loss, and at times have even thought of ending my life. i do not know how much longer i can hold out
i would like to seek perspectives and advice for me to hopefully proceed with the next steps. thank you all for reading through, and i appreciate all feedback, good or bad. if there are details i am missing, i will address them via replies to your posts. should anyone have recommendations for a divorce lawyer also, i would be very grateful. thank you
|