Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

*A CONFUSED SOCIETY*

F: You look Chinese.
*S: I am a Singaporean.*

F: But you look Chinese.
*S: I am a Chinese Singaporean / I am a Singaporean Chinese.*

F: So do you speak Chinese?
*S: Yes, but not fluent.*

F: But you are a Chinese.
*S: I am a Singaporean Chinese, not Chinese from China.*

F: So you are not a Chinese?
*S: I am not Chinese from China.*

F: But your great grandfather is from China?
*S: Yes, but I was born in Singapore, so I am a Singaporean Chinese.*

F: So your great grandfather speaks Chinese?
*S: He speaks dialect.*

F: Do you speak dialect?
*S: No, I don't.*

F: Why not?
*S: Because our country has a Speak Mandarin campaign that is so successful that the new generation practically do not speak dialect anymore.*

F: So you should speak very fluent Mandarin since it's so successful?
*S: No. That campaign was effective before, but not anymore.*

F: Why?
*S: Because most people speak English nowadays. We have a Speak Good English campaign.*

F: So English is your National Language?
*S: No!*

F: So what is the National Language of Singapore?
*S: Malay.*

F: What?
*S: Yes, Malay!*

F: Do you speak Malay?
*S: No.*

F: Why not?
*S: Because I am not Malay.*

F: Then why is your National Language Malay?
*S: That's another long history lesson.*

F: So your National Language is Malay and nobody speak it?
*S: The Malays speak Malay. That's their mother tongue. We have 4 races: Chinese, Malay, Indian and Eurasian. Each speaks their own mother tongue.*

F: So your mother tongue is Chinese?
*S: Yes.*

F: But you can't speak it fluently?
*S: Yes.*

F: Does the Malay or Indian speak fluent mother tongue?
*S: More fluent than the Chinese speaking Chinese I supposed.*

F: Why?
*S: Because that's their mother tongue.*

F: Then why can't the Chinese?
*S: Because we speak English mainly in school.*

F: I last heard that Singapore has a bilingual policy.
*S: Yes, we have, we do learn mother tongue in school.*

F: But you cannot speak Chinese fluently.
*S: Yes.*

F: Why?
*S: Because our country's working language is mainly English, there is not much places to use the language, perhaps only with our grandparents and when we buy things in the market.*

F: Then how is that bilingual?
*S: I don't know.*

F: So you are a Singaporean Chinese who can't speak your National Language, and cannot speak your mother tongue fluently and can only communicate in English with a strange accent.
*S: What's wrong with my accent?*

F: I don't know, it is just weird.
*S: Does it sound British or American?*

F: Neither, I thought you should sound British since you have been colonized before?
*S: No, that was long long time ago, dude.*

F: How come you try to sound American?
*S: Because I watch alot of Hollywood movies.*

F: Your English still sounds weird.
*S: Oh, we call it Singlish.*

F: So what are you really?
*S: I am a Singaporean!*

😌😌😌
Si Beh Luan ah! [死伯乱]
🙄🙄🙄

[emotions]

Originally Posted by Mankok

Yesterday my laptop prompted me for a new password. I entered "dick". Laptop responded with: "too short".

Similar joke

[Chua Soi Lek]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*IJN Cardiac Surgeon!*

I am a Cardiac Surgeon working in the reputed IJN.

Wah bro, you’re really a heart surgeon in real life ?

[Mankok]

Flight attendant on China Airlines flight to Taipei announced:

Ladies and german
On this flight we will serve blakefast
And also drinks and snakes

[jacky43]

A good 1 my friend. Upon looking deeper into ROC women. There also have SPG. This girls worship white dicks. This case. German dicks.

On behalf of people in this country. We wish the sucess of Thaipusam. A safe journey to devotee, gods bless this good country. May we walk out of C19 and recession.

Again. Happy new year!

[unregister]

Originally Posted by emotions

Similar joke

That is usual case.

If i entered "lickwetpussy", it replied "accepted"

[ah rat]

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[ThaiboyGG]

Originally Posted by ah rat

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I love burger queen.

[dyelook]

Originally Posted by ah rat

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humps burger...

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

This is from an actual trial in the UK ….. ARRESTED FOR LAUGHING !!!

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her ….. she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more.

She filed a court case against him.

In the court the man's defence was :

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement ….. which read " Coming Soon ….. The Unknown Boon ! “

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement …..
which read : " William's stick did the trick ! “

Then I could not control myself any longer ….. when on the third move she sat under an advertisement ….. which read : " Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident ! “

The case was dismissed !!!

The judge fell off his chair laughing !!!
🤣🤣🤣

[4StarGenitalia]

Originally Posted by jacky43

A good 1 my friend. Upon looking deeper into ROC women. There also have SPG. This girls worship white dicks. This case. German dicks.

On behalf of people in this country. We wish the sucess of Thaipusam. A safe journey to devotee, gods bless this good country. May we walk out of C19 and recession.

Again. Happy new year!

What recession? If HDB price keep going up, there is no recession

[malaysiapig]

Originally Posted by ah rat

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die die must try this new product from Mac .....

Quarter Pounder with cheese

[SexTalkPro]

Good morning everybody

[Xgenre]

Originally Posted by ah rat

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Double quarter pounder.