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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #76  
Old 22-10-2022, 10:27 AM
larue larue is offline
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

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Originally Posted by sgjoey View Post
Why are some people extraordinarily rich while many are extraordinarily poor? This is one infamously naive explanation by a Singapore ex-minister - "I work hard, I earn more, my medisave is bigger. You’re lazy, you work less, your medisave is small." Work hard or work smart or both, the probable truth is much more complicated than it appears.

It has everything to do with.... luck. Being born with the right genes, to the right family, at the right time.... and a million other details.
You make good points, minister aside though, there probably aren’t many extraordinarily successful self-made individuals who will deny the role that luck, or serendipity played in their success.

For most people in the world however, the attainment of any decent success depends far more on application than it is of luck.

Shooting for the stars of course requires far more luck.

Trite but also true, luck is often what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

It is however far easier to bemoan one’s lot in life.

Last edited by larue; 22-10-2022 at 10:28 AM. Reason: Added content
  #77  
Old 22-10-2022, 01:51 PM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

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Originally Posted by larue View Post
You make good points, minister aside though, there probably aren’t many extraordinarily successful self-made individuals who will deny the role that luck, or serendipity played in their success.

For most people in the world however, the attainment of any decent success depends far more on application than it is of luck.

Shooting for the stars of course requires far more luck.

Trite but also true, luck is often what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

It is however far easier to bemoan one’s lot in life.
I am an extremist, and I do think how our lives play out is totally dependant on luck.

Let me give an example from what you said. "The attainment of any decent success depends far more than it is of luck."

Aside from luck, what else is there? You seem to imply some kind of skill that allows one to take advantage of opportunities. Surely that is a personal characteristic - some don't have it, some have it more than others. How is this trait distributed among the population if not by... luck?

Depending on your genes and how they interact with your environment, and a million other details - these will determine how much of this characteristic one has. So...it's down to luck again, no matter what characteristic we are referring to.

Generally speaking, the more comfortable we are, the more we tend to feel that we deserve our success. But it's all actually down to luck.
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  #78  
Old 24-12-2022, 12:05 PM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

Dear TS I have similar experience but mine is with a KTV gal. Both of us have chemistry and end up we got together. Her once a week off day are spent with me and we also go for staycation, dating etc. She even bought gifts for me during festive events which I was quite surprised.

Things started getting more serious when I start to feel jealous when she tell me how many customer she has every night..and also i start to imagine things like her going hotel with customer. So end up I always try to pick her up after work and that affects my sleep and ultimately my work and family and hobbies.
I also spent quite abit of money as I try to spent time with her by going to her ktv.
By the way I am married but she doesn’t know and is always hinting me to get married and even want to have a baby with me.

I can’t bear to tell her I am married as I fear losing her, yet at the same time I know I can’t give her happiness.

I have been chionging ktv for more than 10 years and this is the first time I had been attached to a ktv gal. Both of us share similarities and understand each other so well.

Haiz heart pain…

Last edited by benjm85; 24-12-2022 at 12:55 PM.
  #79  
Old 24-12-2022, 03:46 PM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

Quote:
Originally Posted by benjm85 View Post
Dear TS I have similar experience but mine is with a KTV gal. Both of us have chemistry and end up we got together. Her once a week off day are spent with me and we also go for staycation, dating etc. She even bought gifts for me during festive events which I was quite surprised.

Things started getting more serious when I start to feel jealous when she tell me how many customer she has every night..and also i start to imagine things like her going hotel with customer. So end up I always try to pick her up after work and that affects my sleep and ultimately my work and family and hobbies.
I also spent quite abit of money as I try to spent time with her by going to her ktv.
By the way I am married but she doesn’t know and is always hinting me to get married and even want to have a baby with me.

I can’t bear to tell her I am married as I fear losing her, yet at the same time I know I can’t give her happiness.

I have been chionging ktv for more than 10 years and this is the first time I had been attached to a ktv gal. Both of us share similarities and understand each other so well.

Haiz heart pain…
Bro, i got the same experience as you.. she bought gifts, cook dishes/soup for me, say how many customers, want to have baby with me etc etc.. all these made me felt the same way to fear of losing her.. same fetch her after work no joke

However, when u start to feel all these shit, things will change and there will always be someone better with deeper pockets come along and she will have a change of heart. Because it will help her achieve her objectives getting more money faster with lesser work

And you will be left hanging and cleaning up the mess. This is my experience and its up to you on how you want to react.

Hopefully things will get better for you
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  #80  
Old 24-12-2022, 11:42 PM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

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Originally Posted by benjm85 View Post
Dear TS I have similar experience but mine is with a KTV gal. Both of us have chemistry and end up we got together. Her once a week off day are spent with me and we also go for staycation, dating etc. She even bought gifts for me during festive events which I was quite surprised.

Things started getting more serious when I start to feel jealous when she tell me how many customer she has every night..and also i start to imagine things like her going hotel with customer. So end up I always try to pick her up after work and that affects my sleep and ultimately my work and family and hobbies.
I also spent quite abit of money as I try to spent time with her by going to her ktv.
By the way I am married but she doesn’t know and is always hinting me to get married and even want to have a baby with me.

Why take it so serious with KTV gals? Fuck and Forget. Don't let this gal destroy. Proven in ancient chinese history isn't it?

I can’t bear to tell her I am married as I fear losing her, yet at the same time I know I can’t give her happiness.

I have been chionging ktv for more than 10 years and this is the first time I had been attached to a ktv gal. Both of us share similarities and understand each other so well.

Haiz heart pain…
Why take it so serious with WL . It's already proven in ancient Chinese history. She will destroy you entirely. Learnt before it too late.
  #81  
Old 25-12-2022, 06:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nch08 View Post
Bro, i got the same experience as you.. she bought gifts, cook dishes/soup for me, say how many customers, want to have baby with me etc etc.. all these made me felt the same way to fear of losing her.. same fetch her after work no joke

However, when u start to feel all these shit, things will change and there will always be someone better with deeper pockets come along and she will have a change of heart. Because it will help her achieve her objectives getting more money faster with lesser work

And you will be left hanging and cleaning up the mess. This is my experience and its up to you on how you want to react.

Hopefully things will get better for you
Yes bro I understand..but so far she didn’t ask me to buy anything for her and yet she buy things for me..so I am abit puzzled.
Anyway she is leaving for viet next month already, so hopefully once she returns our relationship will end naturally..
Haiz..
  #82  
Old 25-12-2022, 08:55 PM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

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Originally Posted by benjm85 View Post
Yes bro I understand..but so far she didn’t ask me to buy anything for her and yet she buy things for me..so I am abit puzzled.
Anyway she is leaving for viet next month already, so hopefully once she returns our relationship will end naturally..
Haiz..
Just treat her normally. Don't fall for her lies and sweet honey coated word. I might sound cruel but for your own good just play forget.
  #83  
Old 26-12-2022, 10:46 AM
benjm85 benjm85 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dettolboy_77 View Post
Just treat her normally. Don't fall for her lies and sweet honey coated word. I might sound cruel but for your own good just play forget.
Thanks bro. I will force myself to keep her out of my mind. I still have a family, wife and children. They will be with me for the future, and not her.
Sadly, i met her at the wrong place and time.
  #84  
Old 26-12-2022, 01:09 PM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

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Originally Posted by sgjoey View Post
I am an extremist, and I do think how our lives play out is totally dependant on luck.

Let me give an example from what you said. "The attainment of any decent success depends far more than it is of luck."

Aside from luck, what else is there? You seem to imply some kind of skill that allows one to take advantage of opportunities. Surely that is a personal characteristic - some don't have it, some have it more than others. How is this trait distributed among the population if not by... luck?

Depending on your genes and how they interact with your environment, and a million other details - these will determine how much of this characteristic one has. So...it's down to luck again, no matter what characteristic we are referring to.

Generally speaking, the more comfortable we are, the more we tend to feel that we deserve our success. But it's all actually down to luck.
when you describe it to this extend, well yes everything is luck. You make a marketing advertisement, its also luck that the correct customer sees it. when you describe it that way, yes luck very important.

but there is a little portion that is not luck. after having the luck of certain skills / traits, how you apply it that is not purely luck. how you increase your chances of success with calculated risks etc, that is not pure luck i believe
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  #85  
Old 03-01-2023, 12:06 PM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

Quote:
Originally Posted by benjm85 View Post
Yes bro I understand..but so far she didn’t ask me to buy anything for her and yet she buy things for me..so I am abit puzzled.
Anyway she is leaving for viet next month already, so hopefully once she returns our relationship will end naturally..
Haiz..
I have been in a relationship with several KTV gals, from the time I was still married till today. I got divorced 3 years ago (not because of a KTV gal or FL or WL or ML), and around the time of divorce I met a Viet KTV gal who is now my gf. We are thinking of marriage within the next year. I have 2 kids, and I take care of both my kids after the divorce (i.e. I have care and control as well as joint custody of my children)

My unsolicited opinion of your situation, is that it is best you come clean with her. Tell her how you really feel about her, yes but also tell her about your marital status. Honesty is the best policy, they say - and it is more than just a cliche saying. KTV girls are used to having men lie to them all the time, so if you persist in hiding your true status, she will find out sooner or later and the situation will not be to your advantage.

Give her some time to think about what she wants to do, make sure you tell her what you wish for the relationship. The last part is by far the hardest, and will require you to think long and hard about what you want, what you can accept and what is realistically possible.

A fellow Samster that I got to know from this forum, was in exactly the same situation as you. He met a nice and genuine KTV gal and he was clear and upfront about his marital status right from the start. The KTV gal had a long think about it, and she agreed to be his gf despite the unfavourable circumstances. She wants to have a baby with him, and she is clear that she will bring up the kid on her own (with the help of her mother). My friend has met the KTV girl's mother and they have met each other. The girl quit KTV and returned to a normal job, she shuttles between SG and VN and my friend does the same. I hear about the things she has done for him, and I have no doubt that her care and concern is genuine. She cares about the fact that he should not be extravagant in spending on her, and insists on staying in a simple hotel (circa $100/room night in SG) during her visits here. She meets him at the airport in Vietnam and obviously takes good care of him whenever he visits.

The situation I outlined above is highly unusual, and extremely uncommon. I do not hold this up as a positive example of what can happen to you, but I have no doubt that my friend's honesty played a big part in the positive outcome. The other part that was heavily in his favour, is the fact that his girl was already close to 30 years old. Girls that age realize that the world is no longer their oyster and that their pussies no longer give them their free pick of eligible young men. The younger girls are aggressive, prettier and will get first pick of the available men out there. So - circumstances matter.

When I first got serious with my gf, she was still working and I knew she had customers that always took her out for short-time. She had her trusted Mummy ask me point-blank about my marital status, and in that split second I made the decision to tell her about my true situation (i.e. I was undergoing a divorce, which was not yet finalized but has already started and I have to take care of 2 kids). The Mummy believed me, and vouched for my character and we started a relationship which has thankfully lasted till today. Along the way I also learnt many things about her, especially about her past. The cultural differences are real and difficult to bridge, but like all couples we take these things step by step

Many years ago, when I was still married I also had a 1,5 year relationship with an ML, whom I maintained as a XS after she left SG. That relationship was a disaster, because of the constant lying and the ultimate lack of trust. She got pregnant with my kid, but she aborted the child without telling me and we broke up right after that. She came back to SG recently for a few months, and I heard from several accounts that she has changed for the worse and looked visibly older (she's born in the Year of the Monkey), I felt sad but admittedly I have since moved on and I cannot do anything else for her.
  #86  
Old 04-01-2023, 12:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin23 View Post
I have been in a relationship with several KTV gals, from the time I was still married till today. I got divorced 3 years ago (not because of a KTV gal or FL or WL or ML), and around the time of divorce I met a Viet KTV gal who is now my gf. We are thinking of marriage within the next year. I have 2 kids, and I take care of both my kids after the divorce (i.e. I have care and control as well as joint custody of my children)

My unsolicited opinion of your situation, is that it is best you come clean with her. Tell her how you really feel about her, yes but also tell her about your marital status. Honesty is the best policy, they say - and it is more than just a cliche saying. KTV girls are used to having men lie to them all the time, so if you persist in hiding your true status, she will find out sooner or later and the situation will not be to your advantage.

Give her some time to think about what she wants to do, make sure you tell her what you wish for the relationship. The last part is by far the hardest, and will require you to think long and hard about what you want, what you can accept and what is realistically possible.

A fellow Samster that I got to know from this forum, was in exactly the same situation as you. He met a nice and genuine KTV gal and he was clear and upfront about his marital status right from the start. The KTV gal had a long think about it, and she agreed to be his gf despite the unfavourable circumstances. She wants to have a baby with him, and she is clear that she will bring up the kid on her own (with the help of her mother). My friend has met the KTV girl's mother and they have met each other. The girl quit KTV and returned to a normal job, she shuttles between SG and VN and my friend does the same. I hear about the things she has done for him, and I have no doubt that her care and concern is genuine. She cares about the fact that he should not be extravagant in spending on her, and insists on staying in a simple hotel (circa $100/room night in SG) during her visits here. She meets him at the airport in Vietnam and obviously takes good care of him whenever he visits.

The situation I outlined above is highly unusual, and extremely uncommon. I do not hold this up as a positive example of what can happen to you, but I have no doubt that my friend's honesty played a big part in the positive outcome. The other part that was heavily in his favour, is the fact that his girl was already close to 30 years old. Girls that age realize that the world is no longer their oyster and that their pussies no longer give them their free pick of eligible young men. The younger girls are aggressive, prettier and will get first pick of the available men out there. So - circumstances matter.

When I first got serious with my gf, she was still working and I knew she had customers that always took her out for short-time. She had her trusted Mummy ask me point-blank about my marital status, and in that split second I made the decision to tell her about my true situation (i.e. I was undergoing a divorce, which was not yet finalized but has already started and I have to take care of 2 kids). The Mummy believed me, and vouched for my character and we started a relationship which has thankfully lasted till today. Along the way I also learnt many things about her, especially about her past. The cultural differences are real and difficult to bridge, but like all couples we take these things step by step

Many years ago, when I was still married I also had a 1,5 year relationship with an ML, whom I maintained as a XS after she left SG. That relationship was a disaster, because of the constant lying and the ultimate lack of trust. She got pregnant with my kid, but she aborted the child without telling me and we broke up right after that. She came back to SG recently for a few months, and I heard from several accounts that she has changed for the worse and looked visibly older (she's born in the Year of the Monkey), I felt sad but admittedly I have since moved on and I cannot do anything else for her.
Bro thank you for your sharing. Indeed, my girl is also in her early 30s and has mentioned many time before that she is no longer young and is looking for marriage, and thats the main issue as I am not able to marry her as I am not planning to divorce my wife.
To be honest, looking at where our relationship has progressed, I don’t know how to break the news to her that I am married with kids. It would be too painful for her and me…i do love her alot but i guess at the wrong place and time..
  #87  
Old 04-01-2023, 04:16 PM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

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Originally Posted by benjm85 View Post
Bro thank you for your sharing. Indeed, my girl is also in her early 30s and has mentioned many time before that she is no longer young and is looking for marriage, and thats the main issue as I am not able to marry her as I am not planning to divorce my wife.
To be honest, looking at where our relationship has progressed, I don’t know how to break the news to her that I am married with kids. It would be too painful for her and me…i do love her alot but i guess at the wrong place and time..
Depending on what is common and acceptable in your girl's culture, your situation may not be as bad as what you initially think.

in Vietnam it is relatively common for a woman to bring up kids on her own, with help from just her side of the family. I am never very sure why Viet guys are so deadbeat and are generally fuckboys - all they want is a cum dump but they certainly do not tend stick around for the child-rearing responsibility. As such, Viet ladies - especially those who work nightlife, are realistic about what they possibly can get. Their main concern, I think, are more around your level of honesty and (equally important) your ability to provide for her future. To a Viet lady who is already on the wrong side of 30, your marital status is less of a concern. Your character and your ability to provide is way more important. It is relatively common for Viet ladies to "snatch" someone's boyfriend or husband, so much so that in the (Southern) Viet slang there is a term for it - a "green tea girl"

My ex XS was from a province in Central China, and she has the classic China Chinese expectations of being able to marry well, even though she has been fucked by at least 5000 guys before while she was an ML here (she hit the 5000 Friends limit in Wechat in her work account). At the time she got pregnant with my kid she was in her late 20s, and she clearly had expectations of being able to marry well and marry a single eligible guy. Years later, and now on the wrong side of 30 and after being fucked by a couple of thousand guys more, I wonder if she will ever settle down.

I wish her the best in life, however unlikely that may be.

I think deep inside your gal probably know your marital status, bro. I wouldn't even be very surprised, if she has ever gotten someone to check your NRIC number in the ROM database. Lay out your cards, and let her know what you want and what you can offer her. Ladies that age, if she's Vietnamese, understand that she is no longer young and competitive and her best days of selling pussy and companionship for a living are probably well behind her. Ask her about her expectations, and you may be surprised at her final answer.

Even if things do not work out between the two of you, she will remember you as someone kind who was honest with her and did not want her to waste her fast-fading youth.

Personally, I think wasting a girl's valuable youth is a crime. When I bring up the marriage topic with my gf, I understand that I may also find that I cannot live up to her marriage expectations and in that scenario, it would be best that we go separate ways.

I have seen several instances, when guys go into relationships not fully being honest and ending up with unmet expectations, whether on the financial or on the character/behaviour end. We are not talking Hermes or LV bags, but basic expenses like childcare and household expenses, and basic characteristics like trust and honesty.

Wish you all the best.
  #88  
Old 05-01-2023, 10:30 AM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin23 View Post
I have been in a relationship with several KTV gals, from the time I was still married till today. I got divorced 3 years ago (not because of a KTV gal or FL or WL or ML), and around the time of divorce I met a Viet KTV gal who is now my gf. We are thinking of marriage within the next year. I have 2 kids, and I take care of both my kids after the divorce (i.e. I have care and control as well as joint custody of my children)

A fellow Samster that I got to know from this forum, was in exactly the same situation as you. He met a nice and genuine KTV gal and he was clear and upfront about his marital status right from the start. The KTV gal had a long think about it, and she agreed to be his gf despite the unfavourable circumstances. She wants to have a baby with him, and she is clear that she will bring up the kid on her own (with the help of her mother). My friend has met the KTV girl's mother and they have met each other. The girl quit KTV and returned to a normal job, she shuttles between SG and VN and my friend does the same. I hear about the things she has done for him, and I have no doubt that her care and concern is genuine. She cares about the fact that he should not be extravagant in spending on her, and insists on staying in a simple hotel (circa $100/room night in SG) during her visits here. She meets him at the airport in Vietnam and obviously takes good care of him whenever he visits.
bro how much do u and your friend need to pay to support your girl every month?

u and your gf are marrying so maybe not so much. your fren is married and the girl still willing to be with him and bear him children, he must be giving alot allowance?
  #89  
Old 06-01-2023, 12:56 AM
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

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Originally Posted by ILoveV View Post
bro how much do u and your friend need to pay to support your girl every month?

u and your gf are marrying so maybe not so much. your fren is married and the girl still willing to be with him and bear him children, he must be giving alot allowance?
On the contrary, my friend gives a lot less than I do - he sends $2K a month and pays for her expenses when she's here. The occasional gift for her and the family when they meet up. I think all in all $3k-$4K per month.

I give my girl more than that, because of Spass, rent and her shopping
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Old 06-01-2023, 01:12 AM
ILoveV ILoveV is offline
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Re: Trying to get over an ML

Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin23 View Post
On the contrary, my friend gives a lot less than I do - he sends $2K a month and pays for her expenses when she's here. The occasional gift for her and the family when they meet up. I think all in all $3k-$4K per month.

I give my girl more than that, because of Spass, rent and her shopping
interesting. Hard to believe a ktv girl would give up the $10-20k earnings a month for $2k allowance….

either the girl has a few other bf, working on the side or she must really love your friend
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